maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
