why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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