on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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