So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
