I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
