"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
