she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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