Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
