You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
