oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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