Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
