We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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