Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
