We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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