Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
