Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
