my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
