How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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