ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
