i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
