3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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