ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
