I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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