girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
