And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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