So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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