Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
