i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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