I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
