youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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