Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
