I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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