In the future we'll all be gay
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
