Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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