Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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