just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
