he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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