What a fucking waste of an outfit
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
