we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
