just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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