drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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