we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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