I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
