TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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