I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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