We're like a lot better than the average bears
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
