first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
