Dude my mom stole all your condoms
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
