this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You pole danced in your parka.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
