The maid of honor just puked.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
