It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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