we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
